I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
