Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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