i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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