The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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