This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize