look no pants
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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