I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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