So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
