Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
