Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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