see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
