The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
