Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
