My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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