she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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