Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
