I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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