Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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