I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
