I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i came on her dog
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
