He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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