I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
