my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
