it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize