I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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