At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
