Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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