you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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