So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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