I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
whose parrot is this?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
