the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have fence marks all over my body
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
