I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
