Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
