i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
