How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
