I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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