How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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