I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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