Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize