Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
