i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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