I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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