yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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