I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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