its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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