i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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