There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
