Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
