She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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