your room smells of hookers.
And success
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
