It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
