Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
