you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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