WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
