dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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