hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
