he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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