maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
