yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Randomize
