I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
