after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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