Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize