my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
