The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
