Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
