what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
