I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
