so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
