Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
