i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
