So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
