i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
