the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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