Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
