piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
