Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
