Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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