Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
