I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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