I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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