There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
