Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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