so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
