i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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