There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
