a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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