You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got inside last night via doggy door
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
