I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
