I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
