He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
