So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that is very illegal...i love you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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