smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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