Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
